"If your presence does not go with us..."

Whew. What a ride. The last 6 months have been a roller coaster of a time. Who knew that when I said yes to the Lord in obedience and packed it all up to move to the Dominican Republic for two years that I would be packing it all back up six months later to move back home. I sure didn’t. While so many people are thrilled that I am coming home, my heart has been broken by this change. I know that many will not understand, but I want to do my best to give you a glimpse into what the Lord has been teaching me through this process, really a glimpse into my heart.

In the last year, I have lived in three distinctly different countries. One year ago, I was living in Manila, Philippines doing my student teaching. This is where the Lord began to break all things down in my life. He opened my eyes to poverty- like you have never seen before. He started to break down walls of materialism, selfishness and pride. The Lord began a huge overhaul of my life and I am not sure that I was prepared for the outcome. I flew back from the Philippines a different person, who was not ready to be immersed into American culture again. I was not aware the change that began there was not over. I spent the next five months living in States, feeling like a stranger in my own town. This is where the Lord began to grow in me- very subtly- a love for youth and real discipleship. I saw a huge need for a heart change in my own community. I just began to pray and pray for those in my church and in my town, knowing that I was leaving shortly for the DR.

In October, I moved to the Dominican Republic to teach Special Education at Santiago Christian School. It was obvious that the Lord had called me back to an international school and to a foreign culture. In obedience I pack everything up, sold my car and moved, not knowing what the next 6 months would hold. I was back in my element. I loved learning a new language and facing the daily challenges of living in another country. Not to mention, I was doing what I always dreamed of doing- teaching special education at an international school. I was living “my dream.” When I first got sick back in November, I was not aware that it would last for four months. After my third time having bronchitis and much prayer, I decided that it was best if I moved home in June; however, when I got bronchitis and a bad virus for the fourth time, was hospitalized and put on bed rest for two weeks, I decided it was best to come home as soon as I could breath good enough to fly. To many this decision seemed like an easy one, but to me this has been one of the hardest decisions of my life.

How many people at 22 are living “their dream?” I thought I was. Over the last month, the Lord has been teaching me so much. Making the decision to come home now was one of the hardest, most humbling decisions that I have ever had to make. So many thoughts have been swirling in my head- defeat, failure, and a sense of lost-ness and uncertainty. For so many nights I would lay in my bed fighting for joy.

“…For such a time as this.”

Esther 4:14c

I prayed and prayed that the devil would not steal my joy. The Lord is not the author of confusion. He does not try to make things hazy; we allow the devil to put these false thoughts in our heads. The Lord sent so many people into my life to speak truth and encouragement. I was reminded through his precious Word of the care and direction of the Lord in my life. As I was reading through 1 Samuel, the Lord spoke to me through a verse in chapter 15: “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice.” (Verse 22) Many times in my life I have equated serving the Lord with sacrifice (which in many cases is what serving the Lord requires); however, obedience to the Lord is better than any sacrifice. I knew that the Lord was calling me back to the United States, whether I was living my dream or not. What I wanted for my life- what I thought was a “sacrifice”- was not what the Lord had for me.

“The LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

Psalm 84:11

If it were best for me to be here and to do what I am doing, the Lord would not withhold it from me. God is good. He can’t help but be good because that is His nature. Finally the walls of hurt from having to leave and the disappointment of “giving” up what I always wanted to be obedient to the Lord’s plan for my life were crumbling.

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”

Psalm 27:13-14

I am confident that the Lord called me to the Dominican Republic for these past 6 months even if I don’t understand why I have to leave. I know that the Lord does not promise to give grace to my imagination. He only promises to give us grace in the moment. So, even though I have no idea what the next season of my life holds, but I know that I want to tell as many people as I can about the way that Jesus has rocked my world. I know that He will give me grace to make the transition back to the States. I know that I want to take time to invest in those around me and to disciple those that the Lord allows me to. I want to live in such a way that draws people to the Jesus, because lets be honest. This is not about me. This is all about bring glory to God. That's what life is all about.

And Mary said, "Behold, the bond slave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.

Luke 1:38

Thank you so much for your prayers during this transition in my life. It will definitely be difficult and challenging; however, I have full confidence that the Lord’s hand is on here as I have prayed this verse over and over.

Then he said to Him, "If Your presence does not go with us,

do not lead us up from here.”

Exodus 33:15

- Madison Clair

Things I will miss:

I thought I would write a few things that I am going to miss about the DR as I head back to the US on Friday. Hope you enjoy!

#1 My awesome students. I have grown to love my job in the Dominican Republic. Yes, sometimes it is hectic. Yes, sometime it is extremely overwhelming. Yes, it is always challenging; however, there has not been one day that I wake up dreading my job. How many people at 22 years old are living their dream? [More on this in the next blog post] I am really going to miss my job, co-workers, school and the wonderful kids that I get the privilege of working with every day.

#2 Speaking Spanish. In the beginning learning Spanish was a bit overwhelming and intimidating; however, when I finally made it over the hump of intimidation I fell in love. I love being able to meet someone on their level and communicate in their native language. I have a long ways to go, but I plan to be very intentional to continue to use my Spanish in the States.

#3 La Playa (the beach!). I am definitely- hands-down- a beach girl. Living so close to one of the most beautiful beaches in the whole world has spoiled me. I blame it partly on the fact that the beach is the one place where I can actually breathe. I will definitely miss the beautiful waters, kite surfers and sandy beaches.

#4 My church- Vida Nueva. I have grown attached to the church that I have attended here in the Dominican Republic. When I first started going to VN hearing a sermon in Spanish was overwhelming and tiring, but now I love the challenge. I love singing songs in Spanish and greeting my brothers and sisters at church.

#5 This season of my life. One of the hardest things about this transition has been accepting the fact that this season of my life is coming to an end (for now). I have fallen in love with the Dominican people and culture. I love everything about teaching in an international school- despite all of the challenges. I have had a wonderful roommate that has encourage me and stretched me to be more like Jesus. This by far will be what I miss the most. I plan to post again this week about the thoughts of the transition, so stay tuned for more to come!

Thanks for reading! Que tengan un buen dia. [ Have a good day!]

-Madison

You are my Joy.

Warning: this post is real life.

It’s my real struggles and faults. My prayer for this blog is that people would be drawn to Jesus through my everyday struggles. Thanks for reading and for your support.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been really letting my emotions get the best of me. Maybe its because I am just worn out, maybe its because I have days where my health still bothers me, or maybe its just because my focus has faded. I have been clinging to the verse:

“Let us not grow weary in doing good…” (Galatians 6:9)

Before I made the decision to return to the States after June, I spent so much time wrestling with the decision. Wrestling with the feeling that there was shame in making an adult decision (bathed in prayer) that might cause others to “talk.” All my life I have been learning the lesson of living in the freedom of Christ and the beauty of not being bound by the opinions of others. It’s hard and I feel like it gets harder as I get older. During this decision-making, I received a message from one of the Godliest women I know that said, “Madison, no matter what don’t let Satan use this to steal your joy.” That short sentence hit me in just the right way. My first thought was, “He can’t steal my joy!” However, slowly but surely he has tried. Over and over, he has attempted to steal my joy. He has tried to take the joy out of finishing strong and the joy of continuing in the ministry that the Lord has called me to right now. You see, I have once again been learning the difference of happiness and joy. Happiness is very situational and can fluctuate daily- who am I kidding, it can fluctuate every hour. Joy does not depend on our situation. Our joy should come from Jesus. Our joy should flow from the fact that a perfect God sent his ONLY son to a world of sinners to sacrifice Himself for us and bring us to a saving relationship with God. This is joy.

“And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

Nehemiah 8:10b

He is my joy and my strength. This may sound a little cliché. Until you have really understood and grasped the fact that no matter what happens, no matter where you are, no matter who you are with, or how you feel, Jesus is still on His throne; you will not be able to experience the overflowing joy of the Lord. I have said this once and I will say it until the day that I die: Jesus Christ is always enough. I want to share a passage from 1 Peter that has been a great encouragement to me this week.

“If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They'll end up realizing that they're the ones who need a bath. It's better to suffer for doing good, if that's what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad. That's what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others' sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God.” 1 Peter 3:13-18

Thanks for sticking with me through this ramble of a post. I pray that you would be encouraged today. Keep your eyes on Him. Have a wonderful day!

-Madison

Top Five Update!

March. Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday that it was Christmas and I was heading back to the DR for my second semester! Crazy how time just flies by so fast! I have been SUPER busy at school making sure my “children” are taken care of, but I wanted to send a quick update on a few things that have been going on.

1) I have started to feel so much better. I am not out of the woods yet, because just when I think I am close to 100% … it rains. I am level enough that I will be completely fine until June! Thank you so much for all your prayers and support! God has been so good to me!

2) My students are making HUGE gains! I have right around 20 students in the SST program and so many of them are functioning above their ability. This has been such a reward to see them making progress not just in their grades, but ultimately in their understanding. Although there are days where I don’t get to sit down or my head feels like it is going to explode on account of me trying to teach things that I seem to have forgotten from high school (go figure!), my job is so rewarding to see the smile on the face of a kid who used to believe that he/she was a failure.

3) My Spanish is coming along great! I am definitely making progress and my confidence has improved! I have a long ways to go, but practice has improved my language dramatically!

4) Pray for my school. Over the last couple of weeks there have been great changes and new perspectives adopted, however, I am so excited to see how things are going to progress. So many of the students at our school are hurting and lost. I am asking the Lord to change hearts, break hearts, and begin to mold hearts to look like Jesus.

5) In exactly, one month my Mom, Step-Dad and boyfriend are coming to visit me in the Dominican Republic! I am so excited. I have been struggling with this feeling of living two separate, totally different lives these past 5 months. Its like the things from home aren’t here and the things from here aren’t at home (try to understand that one…). I can’t wait to be able to share this part of my life with people that I love so much! So, feel free to come and visit me so I can share parts of my life in the DR with you too! (seriously!)

Thank you so much for your love and support! I am so grateful for the prayer that has covered me this past year. God has been so good to me! Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions, concerns, or just want to chat! I love emails from home! (madison.c.wheeler@gmail.com) God bless you!

-Madison Clair

The Comforter.

Comfort Zone. When I hear this word, so many times I think, “Oh, no… what is coming next?” We are told to get out of our comfort zones and to not be comfortable, but why? So many times in life, the Lord has taken me out of my comfy little place and transplanted me to somewhere new. He may not move us to a new location (but many times it has been), but sometimes a new place in life or a new season of change. “When God moves us out of our comfort zone- into places that are way bigger than us, places that are difficult, hard, painful- that even hurt- this is a gift.” Change is a gift? My fleshly self has a hard time settling the fact that change is a gift. These hard places give us the fit of intimately knowing God- in ways that would never be possible in our comfort zones.” We have to retrain our minds to know that when God displaces us out of our comfy little spot we have nestled in, He is often moving us into Christ’s zone.

[[And the Holy Spirit, our Comforter, comforts us when we step outside our comfort zone. It’s only in the uncomfortable places that we can experience the tenderness of the Comforter.]]

How many times have I been so hesitant to make a change or felt so miserable in the “valley” of life only to look back and see how the Lord’s intentional hand was right in the middle of the situation? There is a “ecstatic joy that is found outside of static comfort zones- because its moving out to where the Spirit moves. The Spirit is never static. Never standstill. Like the wind, the Spirit always moves. Joy is found in Him.”

Trust the Lord in moving you out of our rut of comfort. Let Him rock your boat a little. I guarantee that if you keep your eyes on the Lord, He will totally sweep you off your feet. He knows what the valley is like. He will meet you there.

{excerpts taken from “A Holy Experience”.}

"For such a time as this."

First I want to thank so many of you for your encouraging words over the last couple of weeks. My prayer has been that beyond me, beyond my situation, people would not see Madison, but that they would see a clear presentation of Jesus. I pray that His Name above all else would be glorified. This past weekend I had the privilege of going to the capital, Santo Domingo, with some ladies from my church to hear Nancy Leigh Demoss speak. The title of the conference was, Aviva Nuestras Corazones (Revive our hearts). Before going to the conference, I was praying that the Lord would begin to break my heart for the things that break his. I was praying that I would have a renewed sense of focus and reliance on Him.

Regardless of whether God calls you to serve Him in ways that seem menial, some of those household tasks that you do day after day that seem so unimportant, or whether He asks you do something that's significant by your measurement, whether His assignments include tasks that are hidden or highly visible, whether He asks you to do things that seem beneath your skills or He asks you to do things light years beyond what you're able to do and what you think you can do, whether they're common tasks or exciting, exhilarating tasks—whatever He asks, wherever He sends, we need to remember that we are His servants. We exist to do His will.

– Revive our Hearts, Nancy Lee Demoss {Full Surrender}

The Lord is so faithful. He is so good. I pray that the pride that is within my own heart would surface so that I may repent of those things and humble myself once again before the Lord. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know who holds my future. I am right where I need to be, even if it is for a short period. I am created “for such a time as this.” Thank you for your prayers.

Madison

Grace upon Grace.

“The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD;

He turns it wherever He wishes…”

Proverbs 21:1

I sat down to write this post for several days now, and every time I start to type I get a little overwhelmed, find myself at a lost of words and just plain don’t know if I can even say it. Many of you do not know the craziness of my life- my health- for the last two-ish months, but in short I have been very sick. I am not the kind of person to talk about it, complain about it, or even act the way I am really feeling; however, I have really been struggling. With the gentle nudge of several people, I visited several doctors here and in the states. In a nutshell, I got bad bronchitis at the end of November. This triggered my asthma (that hasn’t been a problem since middle school) and heightened my allergy to mold. There is quite a bit of mold in this country due to the high humidity, we live in a valley and there has been a lot of rain. I was struggling to breath on a daily basis and was put on a nebulizer for a couple of rounds. Since my first doctors visit, I have been on four antibiotics, three steroids, two different nebulizer treatments, three different inhalers, and a couple of other medicines to hopefully get to the root of the issue. The mold in the country has affected my system. At the last visit, the doctor informed me that I also have reflux now, which has proven to be a problem just as much as the breathing. I have been exhausted and just when I think I am improving it starts to downpour, starting the process all over again. I have made changes in my living style to try to improve the situation, but nothing seems to help dramatically. I underwent a CT scan to help diagnose the issue further.

All this leads me to this: I will not be returning to the Dominican Republic for a second year of teaching at Santiago Christian School. After much prayer, wrestling with the Lord and guidance from Godly mentors and doctors, I have decided to return home in June to prevent permanent health damages. I absolutely love living here and I love my job. It has been such a joy to see students who may not other wise succeed, begin to work beyond their ability. This decision was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. I found myself asking the Lord, “Why”? I love it here and all my life all I have wanted to do was live overseas working in an international school. I was quickly reminded:

[In difficulty, my first question is often “Why?” I can be tempted to demand an answer from God. Sometimes He makes his purposes clear; but God is not obligated, nor does He always tell us why.

But there is another question He will always answer, as JI Packer asserts in his book: Praying the Lord’s Prayer:

“If you ask, ‘Why is this or that happening?’ no light may come, for ‘the secret things belong to the Lord our God’ (Deuteronomy 29:29); but if you ask, ‘How am I to serve and glorify God here and now, where I am?’ there will always be an answer.”

Our Father in heaven will show us how to glorify Him, if we simply ask, ready to obey. So which question are you asking today?

“And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” Isaiah 30:21]

So this is it, I am following the Lord’s direction in the depths of my heart. I am going to try to make it until June (hoping that my health doesn’t decline, but improve). For many people picking up and moving across the world would be a huge sacrifice (and it was for me at times), but picking up and moving back to the States is going to be a huge challenge. Staying here would mean that I knew where I would work, I don’t need a car, have an apartment, and I am relatively comfortable here now. Moving back to the States provides many unknowns: where will I work, what will I drive, etc. I have such a heart for people to understand the gospel and to really “get it.”

I want to see those that I love and those that I don’t know yet, to come to the foot of the cross and be renewed. I have a heart to see the youth know what it looks like to be a Godly woman. I have a heart for the Hispanic population to grow in the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” My desire is to serve the Lord wherever I am, with whatever means I have, to whomever I can, as long as I can to the best of my God given ability. And I plan to do just that. Whether it be in the Dominican Republic, United States or some other country that I have never been to. He has been faithful. His grace is sufficient. He is enough.

“For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.” John 1:16

Thank you for reading. Please join me in praying that the Lord would continue to make the path known to me day by day. Pray for healing in my earthly body. Pray that these circumstances will not steal my joy. Pray that the Lord would prepare the hearts of those that I will minister to in the future. Pray that the Lord would bring up someone to carry on all that I have started here in the special education department at SCS. Pray that above all else He alone would be glorified.

En el Nombre de Jesus,

Madison

10 memories from the first 10 days...

Ten Memories from the last Ten days...

1) Arriving in country at 9pm (and meeting my WONDERFUL roommate Lindsey) and going to school at 6:45 the next morning. Talk about transition.

2) Going to La Sirena (kinda of equivalent to a Walmart... sort of.) for the first time. It was very overwhelming and weird to see prices in the hundreds for small things (38 Dominican Pesos is equivalent to $1.00)

3) Staying home on Thursday to unpack and waking up to no power. no water. no internet. no phone. What an interesting day.

4) Trying to communicate with the Internet guy who was speaking very fast Dominican Spanish. Only to find out that he is a pastor and loves Jesus. (Which mind you was the only part of the conversation that I could put together.)

5) Meeting my amazing students and my wonderful assistant- Alba. Such a blessing.

6) Going to the bank three times before they will actually give me a bank account. Thankfully my precious roommate translated.

7) Deciding to paint a few walls in our house to add some “home-iness” sounded like a good idea. Realizing that our laundry sink is broken (no one told us) and the water flooded our downstair’s neighbors whole house was a bad idea. [Side note: We were able to meet her and develop a friendship that will hopefully lead her to Christ.]

8) Going to a Dominican church for the first time. I didn’t understand very much (because Dominicans speak FAST!), but being brought to tears by the worship-even though it was in another language.

9) Visiting “La Playa Sosua” (a beautiful beach) for the first time with the Koster’s (my family away from my family)! The beach was beautiful and the water was crystal clear!

10) Realizing that the Lord has called me to such a place for such a time as this. I am able to reflect on the goodness of the Lord and his providence in all situations.