Grace upon Grace.

“The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD;

He turns it wherever He wishes…”

Proverbs 21:1

I sat down to write this post for several days now, and every time I start to type I get a little overwhelmed, find myself at a lost of words and just plain don’t know if I can even say it. Many of you do not know the craziness of my life- my health- for the last two-ish months, but in short I have been very sick. I am not the kind of person to talk about it, complain about it, or even act the way I am really feeling; however, I have really been struggling. With the gentle nudge of several people, I visited several doctors here and in the states. In a nutshell, I got bad bronchitis at the end of November. This triggered my asthma (that hasn’t been a problem since middle school) and heightened my allergy to mold. There is quite a bit of mold in this country due to the high humidity, we live in a valley and there has been a lot of rain. I was struggling to breath on a daily basis and was put on a nebulizer for a couple of rounds. Since my first doctors visit, I have been on four antibiotics, three steroids, two different nebulizer treatments, three different inhalers, and a couple of other medicines to hopefully get to the root of the issue. The mold in the country has affected my system. At the last visit, the doctor informed me that I also have reflux now, which has proven to be a problem just as much as the breathing. I have been exhausted and just when I think I am improving it starts to downpour, starting the process all over again. I have made changes in my living style to try to improve the situation, but nothing seems to help dramatically. I underwent a CT scan to help diagnose the issue further.

All this leads me to this: I will not be returning to the Dominican Republic for a second year of teaching at Santiago Christian School. After much prayer, wrestling with the Lord and guidance from Godly mentors and doctors, I have decided to return home in June to prevent permanent health damages. I absolutely love living here and I love my job. It has been such a joy to see students who may not other wise succeed, begin to work beyond their ability. This decision was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. I found myself asking the Lord, “Why”? I love it here and all my life all I have wanted to do was live overseas working in an international school. I was quickly reminded:

[In difficulty, my first question is often “Why?” I can be tempted to demand an answer from God. Sometimes He makes his purposes clear; but God is not obligated, nor does He always tell us why.

But there is another question He will always answer, as JI Packer asserts in his book: Praying the Lord’s Prayer:

“If you ask, ‘Why is this or that happening?’ no light may come, for ‘the secret things belong to the Lord our God’ (Deuteronomy 29:29); but if you ask, ‘How am I to serve and glorify God here and now, where I am?’ there will always be an answer.”

Our Father in heaven will show us how to glorify Him, if we simply ask, ready to obey. So which question are you asking today?

“And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” Isaiah 30:21]

So this is it, I am following the Lord’s direction in the depths of my heart. I am going to try to make it until June (hoping that my health doesn’t decline, but improve). For many people picking up and moving across the world would be a huge sacrifice (and it was for me at times), but picking up and moving back to the States is going to be a huge challenge. Staying here would mean that I knew where I would work, I don’t need a car, have an apartment, and I am relatively comfortable here now. Moving back to the States provides many unknowns: where will I work, what will I drive, etc. I have such a heart for people to understand the gospel and to really “get it.”

I want to see those that I love and those that I don’t know yet, to come to the foot of the cross and be renewed. I have a heart to see the youth know what it looks like to be a Godly woman. I have a heart for the Hispanic population to grow in the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” My desire is to serve the Lord wherever I am, with whatever means I have, to whomever I can, as long as I can to the best of my God given ability. And I plan to do just that. Whether it be in the Dominican Republic, United States or some other country that I have never been to. He has been faithful. His grace is sufficient. He is enough.

“For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.” John 1:16

Thank you for reading. Please join me in praying that the Lord would continue to make the path known to me day by day. Pray for healing in my earthly body. Pray that these circumstances will not steal my joy. Pray that the Lord would prepare the hearts of those that I will minister to in the future. Pray that the Lord would bring up someone to carry on all that I have started here in the special education department at SCS. Pray that above all else He alone would be glorified.

En el Nombre de Jesus,

Madison